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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 5, 2012 11:00pm-11:30pm PST

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a lot. we got caught up in scauses... that didn't mean squat. they turned my message away from the teachings it hid and made it about me and things that i did. which, of course, i didn't do. and even if i did use performance enhancing drugs, so did all the other prophets. but i didn't. so what have we learned, from this great wristband theft? maybe... that when stripped of our scauses, only causes are left. and causes shouldn't be worn on our wrists with a sneer. let's keep our causes where they belong, which is right here. on t-shirts! free pussy riot! [cheers and applause] - free pussy riot! boys: yeah! - yay!
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from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a good one tonight. our guest journalist martha raddatz will be here, moderator and the winner of this year's vice presidential debate. a very rough weekend in the tri-state area. i'm sure by now you've all seen pictures of the damage. here's something you might want to look at. these are marathon runners who channeled their disappointment in the cancellation of the marathon into volunteering to help storm clean-up. ( cheers and applause ) it was very, very moving. it's enough to make you not that annoyed by marathon runners. not quite. obviously all donations still
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greatly appreciated. the sandy relief fund dot-org. your i-tunes dot-com slash red cross. you have your united way nyc dot-organ the salvation army usa dot-org. we'll give you the websites for the giant nor'easter coming on wednesday. somehow we have annoyed god. we'll begin tonight an hour away from election day. should already be election day but of course saturday night they added another [bleep] hour so we could stretch this thing out. daylight savings time is taken away. then we have another hour so the election takes longer. starting to wonder if we're ever going to get to the election or if they'll keep adding hours the closer we get like xeno's electoral paradox. you can look that up. >> the candidates are criss-crossing these battle ground states >> quite a virginia beach we
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welcome >> 17,000 hello bolder 25,000 people quite a welcome 30-35,000 hello virginia! joe biden had 090 in colorado. >> jon: 900. i know that sounds high for biden, but to be fair they were giving out foo food and balloon. the candidates are taking a chance to make final argument to america's voters >> mitt romney... crowd: boo! don't boo. vote. vote. ( cheers and applause ) voting is the best revenge. >> president obama asked his supporters to vote for revenge. >> crowd: boo! instead i ask the american people to vote for love of country. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: i want this over! i don't know if it's that comment or maybe this is the
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milk i drank from a bodego that lost power during the blackout but i just threw up in my mouth a little bit. if the american people can really vote for revenge or love of country, they'd be kicking both your asses in the polls. for more on the campaign closing hours let's go to jessica williams and aasif mandvi. they are with the candidates right now. jessica, you're at obama's final rally in des moines >> the mood here is positively electric. j-z is killing it. and since this is iowa, they think he's actually talking about cheese. which they really like so it's a very positive message. >> jon: thank you very much. aasif mandvi you're with the romney campaign in manchester new hampshire >> that's right, jon. different feeling here. romney is talking about the consequences of re-electing obama: high unemployment, slow growth. something will rise from the sea and destroy the city. standard speech
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>> jon: what is that in the background? >> you hear that too. because nobody is playing it. there is no dj, nothing. there is no sound system. it's really kind of eerie >> jon: have you seen the headliner yet? >> no. springsteen doesn't go on for another hour. dave matthews was here. katie perry rocked it. >> jon: aasif mandvi, what is it like where you are? >> a meatloaf sighting a couple of days ago. ♪ from sea to shining sea >> so i think he's not coming back until he's no longer in heat. >> jon: both candidates really look pretty exhausted at this point >> try broken. two years on the campaign trail will do that to you >> try seven years. when romney started running for president who had the number one
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record? and the guy still won't try coffee. >> yes, jon. no matter who wins tomorrow's election, one thing is sure >> that person will be a sad, empty 'em bittered husk of a man. god bless america. >> thank you, both. jessica and aasif mandvi with the campaign. ( cheers and applause ) it's not just the candidates feeling the clock winding down. tv pundits are scrambling to get their final predictions in before tuesday >> i think mitt romney will win obama could win big this will be a squeaker e president is likely to win. >> president obama will eke it out barely >> a sizable romney victory 277-303 nail biter minnesota to go for romney obama wins romney by 3% it's too close to call. it's impossible to call >> jon: impossible? [bleep] what are you people doing there? just open your mouth. look at this guy. here's newt gingrich. remember him from the primaries?
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>> the odds are very high i'm going to be the nominee. >> jon: i don't know if you were following the election but he was not the nominee. they ended up going with the romney. trademark by the way. so that guy was way off. doesn't matter what he thinks, right? but it does >> i believe the minimum result will be 53-47 romney, over 300 electoral votes and the republicans will pick up the senate. i base that on just years and years of experience. >> jon: of being wrong. so obviously on wednesday or, god forbid thursday or december or whenever this thing is figured out, we'll know which punned is were wrong, which were wronger and which were "oh, my god, that was really wrong." i can show you a prediction that's wrong today. it comes via dick morris, king of wrong mountain. it concerns accountability for pundits >> romney is going to win. he's going to win by, i believe,
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more than five points. i believe he's going to get more than 300 electoral votes. you know, after the election either i'm going to have to go through a big reckoning or they are. >> jon: no, you won't and they won't. nobody will because you're pundits. you live in a reckoning-free zone. one thing we learned is that punditry is like musical chairs. the only difference is in punditry when the music stops, nobody ever moves the [bleep] chairs. they just keep adding more chairs. we'll be right
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>> jon: welcome back. over the past two shows we've been looking at what happens when modern political tactics are forced on a middle school election. why? it's because we're [bleep]. tonight the conclusion of our series, the strategists. >> previously on the strategists, jason and john brought modern political tactics to an 8th grade student council election and were immediately embraced by the children. >> so you like this campaign? not really. kind of mean. >> reporter: now with the campaign entering its final days, the presidential debate was approaching. and as 25-year campaign strategist marco knows, you have to be prepared >> the debate is the most formal setting for a candidate's image to be fully realize. so you practice everything.
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we even focus on individual words. we find out what words we like and we find ways to repeat them in meaningful, catchy phrases so that they'll stick with them when they go into the polls >> ulna... honor. leadership. nachos. yeah, what word are we going to use? >> nachos how often? all the time so describe the school using a nacho metaphor >> nachos, the school is like nacho cheese. more nourishing and you can't get enough of it. >> reporter: as the pearlman campaign seized the momentum jason desperately searched for a celebrity to give zablo campaign a boost >> i need a big-time actor, any super hero would be great. oh, really? would he do it >> reporter: but time was running out because with debate afternoon finally here for the candidates, it was game time. ♪ >> it is with great pleasure
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that i introduce kyle pearlman and lauren zablo. >> my name is lauren zablo and i am running to be your student council president. i've been in student council since sixth grade so i will make every effort snts >> reporter: while lauren went with substance, the pearlman took a different approach >> hello, my fellow americans. i can see i'm the only one wearing played today >> i'm sorry to see that i'm the only one wearing a flag pin today. this election we all know is pretty much a popularity contest >> use nachos for example, you could say nachos are popular. ( cheers and applause ) >> say go bled america god bless america nachos . reporter: it was back to the wall. it was time for jason to deploy
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his celebrity endorsement. >> who here is a fan of batman? who about ironman? ( cheers and applause ) how about the phantom? ladies and gentlemen, billy day. >> this is the most important election of your lifetime. that is why i am throwing my full support behind lauren zablo for wood cliff middle school class president. ( applause ) >> reporter: but an october surprise can quickly turn into an october nightmare. >> so, kyle. you want me to say what to lauren? i can't say that. she's only 13 years old. (nervous laughter) what do you mean over your head? everything is over your [bleep] head. you're 4'2. i'll kick his [bleep].
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really? >> reporter: with the debate over, it was time for the children to vote. and for the strategists to get instant feedback from exit polls. 12 days of campaigning, thousands of dollars unnecessarily spent, all led up to this one moment. >> good afternoon, wood cliff students and faculty. i am proud to make the announcement for the winning student council representative for your 2012 wood cliff middle school president. kyle. >> [bleep]. yeah, i figured. hey, billy, what do you think about a third grade race in akron, ohio? ♪ >> reporter: with that, john, jason and billy were gone because at any strategist knows winning is everything. cleaning up the mess is someone else's problem. ( cheers and applause )
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>> jon: pearlman, zablo. nicely done, guys. very nicely done. first of all i just want to thank you guys for participating. you were great sports. it was really a wonderful exercise. i want to ask what you felt like it was like to work with jason and john. >> tell them it was great. he was great. jon: what plans do you have now that you're in office. >> i'll jump in and take this. for a start, jon, it's president pearlman to you. respect the [bleep] office and president pearlman is not taking questions at this time. >> jon: you know what? let me take care of this real quick after that display. you might want to sign those guys. these are just releases that indemnify the show of physical or emotional damage inflicted on you or the school. it's a pledge to never tell your parents that this happened.
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thanks so very much.
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♪ we ran a mile before breakfast ♪ ♪ sure, i had a salad for lunch ♪ ♪ but a miller 64 at dinner? ♪ oh yes, 'cause i've worked off my paunch ♪ ♪ 'cause we live a life of balance ♪ ♪ and no one can say that we're wrong ♪ ♪ so here's to good miller, who cut out the filler ♪ ♪ and made a beer worthy of song ♪ ♪ to miller 64 ♪ to miller 64 ♪ to love, sweat and beers and well deserved cheers ♪ ♪ to miller 64
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: my guest tonight is the senior foreign affairs
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correspondent for abc news. please welcome to the program martha raddatz. ( cheers and applause ) thank you for being here >> thank you. jon: thank you for joining us. i very much appreciate it. i know you came up from d.c. >> up from d.c., yeah. not too far >> jon: did you bring us any gasoline? >> a whole truck load jon: any m.r.e.s? everything okay down there >> we worried about it but got through it okay. >> jon: where it's going to take a while here. i wanted to congratulate you. you moderated the vice presidential debate between joe biden -- and he didn't curse the whole time. and paul ryan. he was very thirsty. >> do you know why you missed that, martha? because you were moderating the debate.
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i thought you were very impressive in your exercise of authority. you didn't let it... you didn't pretend that the role of the journalist is to be a lump of malleable clay to absolve yourself of any charges of liberal bias or, you know, being on that team. is that a problem within the journalists' world now? >> actually that's how i approached the debate. i just was doing my job. i'm a journalist. i'm not a host of anything. i'm not an anchor. i'm a journalist. that's what i do every single day. it never occurred to me to do anything different. i to say that >> jon: where does the pressure come from on journalists to not be journalists anymore, for the moderating? that idea that, has the pressure on journalists to not show an opinion in anyway ruined their ability to call out facts or lies? >> well, first of all, i think everybody has a different approach to this obviously
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>> jon: sure i think you have to tune out the rest of the world when you're studying for this, when you're going into it, and just do the job you've prepared for >> jon: you prepared? i prepared constantly. i didn't know a whole lot about medicare and medicaid going into this. i learned about foreign policy >> jon: you lrned about the issues >> i did indeed. right that down >> jon: did you learn about the candidates' position >> i learned about everything i possibly could >> jon: when they would say things that were deceitful, you could say actually it was this that we were asking about and bring them back to what you considered salient >> and i use the hand just like you do. >> jon: you did use the hand. gentlemen jon: it was very effective. having them at the table, is that helpful? because is the problem jim lehrer was so far away it's like i can't even see who is there? is there a different between you two? i'm an old lehrer >> the table was helpful.
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the table was definitely helpful. you like the table too you can do icon tact. if you were over there... >> jon: can i tell you what's better than the table is the rolling chair >> i tried the rolling chair. i didn't take off my shoe and bang it on the table but i might have gone there >> jon: it seems that political organizations and political parties have become whiny bastions of faux persecuted victimized individuals that feel like anyone who doesn't agree with their world view is persecuting them. do you ever want to punch them. >> here's a simple answer. yes. >> jon: how can you not? now, for you, are you going to be covering... you oftentimes cover very dangerous... you've been to afghanistan many many times. done absolutely phenomenal reporting there as well >> thank you jon: are you covering the election or are you heading out... >> i think i'll be tomorrow night on abc newsy leches
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coverage. i'm going to be talking about foreign policy so i don't think i'll be saying much until late, late in the evening when hopefully we have a winner. then it will be what dire situations will that particular person have to deal with. that's when they call me in >> jon: depending on who wins, how quickly do you think we could know if we're at war with iran by the end of the night? or do you think they might wait to call that? >> i think they might wait a couple of months. deal with a few other things before they deal with iran but iran will be right there at the top of the list >> jon: have you been surprised with the economic situation we're in how foreign policy has gone on sort of the back burner? it's reasserted itself a little bit with libya >> and iran snon that seemed to be more of a politicization of something. have people talked a lot about afghanistan? >> i think it's heart breaking that people don't talk about it at all. we're still a nation at war. you know this very well. we have 68,000 troops in
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afghanistan right now. we have people fighting for this country. no one talks about it. i understand as a journalist that year after year i try to tell stories that i hope will interest people. i want to tell those stories that they'll care about. boy, is it hard. it's harder and harder. i'm going to go back in a couple of weeks and try again >> jon: i commend you for doing this. now it's more dangerous. this idea of green on blue violence which is afghani troops embedded with american troops turning on that. has that been something that has caught the attention of the media >> it did for a while. it certainly caught the attention of the media. i think it caught the attention of the public but it's something that has faded. i want to go and talk to as many people as i can. i've seen this up close. there are a lot of afghan security forces who are in a position where they feel forcedded into some of this. sometimes because their families are threatened because other people around are threatened. taliban just goes after them and says if you don't do this...
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>> jon: boy, this idea that they were selling a year ago about the taliban moderating and becoming a part of afghanistan >> that broke down, didn't it jon: did that break down. is the hope here that the election in some ways breaks this weird politicized fever in the way hurricane sandy broke that fever for, let's say, some of the local governors and people will realize, oh, right, we all should probably do something. >> we should probably pay attention. i hope it does. i hope people start paying attention again. i think whoever is president will probably engage or reengage in the war in afghanistan. hopefully americans can figure out what they want to do there and what's actually happening. >> jon: i won't ask you for a prediction but i will ask you this. nader? do you think it will be nader? >> i'll go there jon: martha, thank you very much for joining us. be careful out there. you can see martha raddatz although you won't be watching but you'll be watching comedy central which i imagine we'll also be quite good that night.
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martha
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